
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I look back at parenting my two kids, now 10 and 14 and shake my head at the many mistakes I’ve made. But not one to dwell on the past, I keep on keeping on and remind myself (as does my teen daughter who likes to point out my many parenting flaws) that there is no ‘parenting manual’ and I’m doing the very best I can.
When my daughter was little, I was in clinical practice and seeing many seriously unwell children in my clinic. As a new mum, I was a little (okay, extremely) paranoid about giving her the very best start in life in every way I knew how. Feeding her only the very best, nutritionally balanced meals and snacks was my absolute focus.
However as she got older, I had less and less control over every morsel that passed her precious lips. Play-dates, birthday parties and play school celebrations meant she was exposed to foods she’d never even seen, let alone eaten.
I soon became ‘that’ health freak mum hovering near party tables trying to direct her interest away from the fairy bread and across to the fruit platter. ‘Move away from the junk food’ I’d whisper through gritted teeth. However, I noticed the more I hovered, the more she hoovered.
You see in my effort to raise a food loving child, I’d always encouraged her to try everything which worked well, as long as I was in control of the food in front of her. Turns out both of my kids just love a celebration and they also love food, the good and the not so good. Oh the dilemma!
Why is party food so attractive to kids
Sharing food with others is fun and I believe it’s so important for kids social connectivity. But one thing I’ve witnessed over the years is that the ‘junk’ food (especially the sweet stuff) is always exponentially more popular than the veggie platter and there is, a biological explanation for this.
You see the human brain contains a neural structure called the ‘reward system.’ It is a primal structure which exists to reward us with a bunch of feel good chemicals when we do something to improve our chance of survival – like eating (because eating is essential to our survival). One of these feel good chemicals is dopamine and when it is released, a child’s brain will register pleasure – in the short term it makes them feel good!
Food manufacturers and junk food companies know this, so processed foods are very deliberately engineered to target these evolutionary impulses and engage the reward system of the brain in a way nothing ‘natural’ can. Because the fat and sugar found in processed foods are not so easy to come by in nature, our brains have evolved to drive us to seek out as much as we can get. So you can see why junk food wins out! To understand more about why kids want to eat processed foods, click HERE.
Communication
So they are biologically driven towards processed foods, so what on earth is a whole food loving parent to do? To start with, talk to your kids about food and as they get older and are able to understand, give them a real understanding of the differences between whole foods and processed foods. This is SO important to help them to be able to make better choices themselves (in the short term, but more importantly the long term). I find focussing on the positives is imperative…though it’s tempting to rant about crap food, instead talk about how delicious and good it feels to eat real food.
Always discuss processed foods in an non-alarmist way. I love my hairdressers approach to talking to her very young kids about good and not so good food choices – she simply explains that some food is ‘tricky’ – that is, it tastes good and tricks you into feeling like eating more (your brain convinces you it’s ‘not so bad’). I thought this was just a brilliant analogy and one great way to explain and educate kids about widely available, well marketed processed foods.
I also try to give my kids examples of better choices for when they are faced with a table full of junk. For example, plain chips are better than yellow coloured things like Twisties. A cheese sandwich is better than fairy bread. Fruit is better than lollies. A home made biscuit or cake is better that an oreo.
Before we head to a party or situation where I know there will be processed junk, I also talk to them about manners and that if they eat two cupcakes, then one of their friends might miss out and be sad or upset that they had eaten more than their fair share. When they were little, I reminded them of this before each party or event where they had access to a spread of food.
Live and learn!
Back to my kids stuffing themselves at the party table whilst I loitered about anxiously- this was the point that I had to re-assess my approach. As hard as it was, I realised I had to find the middle ground, step aside and allow my kids to live and learn. Let’s face it – self regulation is an important skill and the party table is a great place to start with little ones.
I had to trust that I had laid the ground work, by talking to them often about foods that help them to be strong and healthy. I have and will continue to encourage them to make good choices (even though at present, any talk about how important food is to our wellbeing is mostly met with eye rolling… ah teenagers!).
I do my best to make sure I have always fed them a good meal prior to events where I know their will be junk. Though they both have very robust appetites (nice way of saying they are guts-aches lol) so I’m not sure if in my case, it helps to reduce the amount of party food they eat.
I’ve also always related their food choices to the way their body feels. My teen hasn’t made great food choices during the holidays, but I’ve given her enough of a food education for her to realise that the pimples that have appeared and her lethargy, is a result of those choices. I don’t even have to point it out any longer she just knows and tells me ‘mum I’ve had fun but I feel like I need to get back on track’. The pimples have motivated her to tidy up her diet, make better choices when out and she’s now back to her glowing self!
My 10 year old son is particularly sensitive to poor food choices. He has had two instances where he has overdone the party food and ended up vomiting – once on his sisters head (as she helped him take off his shoes) and the next time was from the top bunk of a caravan we’d hired to camp in. Again his sister was in the firing line on the bottom bunk. So they both learned valuable lessons from those parties!
Once we had a chat about social etiquette and manners and I moved away from the party table and allowed them to make their own choices, I did notice they developed a more balanced approach to party food (based on their experience and not feeling great after the last party). Yes too all, as they’ve grown up, they are absolutely able to recognise the better choices available to them when navigating party food and they certainly don’t gorge themselves as much as they used to.
For more info on ‘treats’ and how to best manage the oversupply – this post is useful (especially the part about implementing ‘treat days’), click HERE.
For more about the pressure to give your kids junk food and how to handle the well meaning shop keepers, friends, grand parents etc; who insist on giving your kids lollies, click HERE.
Deborah says
I so struggled with this. My now 15, 13 years old can regulate but my 10 just doesn’t and ends up vomiting everytime after a party. Its very frustrating. Im trying hard with my 4 year old. But its difficult. There just seems to be so many parties. Everyone wants to treat my kids. Hairdressers, teachers, other parents, grandparents. Its hard to!
Georgia Harding says
It is really hard, like you said, the junk creeps in from all directions. My 10 yr old is very sensitive too – though after the two vomiting episodes I mentioned, he has really learned not to go crazy and also sometimes checks in with me as to the best choices.
When mine were little and everyone was offering them sweets (butcher, hairdresser, teachers even), I used ‘treat days’ to delay them eating them – I’ve written about it here https://wellnourished.com.au/healthy-treats-for-kids/
Thanks for your contribution, Georgia x
Suzy says
Thanks for this post! My daughter has a sweet tooth & wrote me a note the other day asking why her friends got good snacks in their lunch box & she only got healthy food!! When it comes to parties I too make sure they eat a decent meal before they go : ) I realise that I want to be able to relax & enjoy as much as they do – I don’t want to embarrass them or come across as judgemental about other people’s choices. I have noticed that they can’t eat as much junk food as they’d like though because their bodies & taste buds aren’t used to it – win! If I know I am in control of 95% of what they eat I have to let the other 5% go!!
Georgia Harding says
You’re welcome Suzy. One of the reasons I started baking again and making healthy versions of ‘treats’ was to help my kids feel that their lunchbox wasn’t totally abnormal (I had complaints much like you – request for tiny teddies). To this day, most days they choose something from the freezer (collection of nutritionally dense yet sweet biscuits, cakes, brownies, savoury crackers etc) to add to their lunch.
The 95% is the important part for sure. It also helps when they feel worse for ware after a party (I have to admit, I do feel a little ‘told you so’ smug when they feel sick after junk). Thanks for your input. Georgia x
Emily says
I have just approached tony kids school to have ‘The Root Cause’ incursion at the school and hopefully with more people on board with education on nutrition the more ‘normal’ real whole foods will become!
Georgia Harding says
That is so awesome Emily. Bel at the Root Cause does such great work.
We would be a lot healthier as a nation if a whole foods lunchbox and education became part of the school curriculum! For anyone reading this, here’s more about the ‘Mad Food Scientist’ program they run in schools https://www.therootcause.com.au
Cheers Gx
Sophie says
Love this article, thank you. I so resonate !!
I will try the tricky food explanation. My words might have been a bit more confusing.
Being separated form my daughter’s dad (she’s 6) and sharing the care is quite tricky on the food/health topic.
I’m the “wholefood farmer’s market mum” and she gets all the other side with her dad (processed, conventional..) so in short, I’m “the bad cop”… sigh..
I now choose a similar approach of letting go at parties (I use to bring “healthier cake” when she was younger and special carob bear to swap the lollies) but notice that party food is a huge motivator and she tends to eat A LOT then (quite the opposite at home) and doesn’t seem to not feel so good after that… Anyway, doing my best to set some healthy ground where I can…
Georgia Harding says
That is very tough Sophie, not being on the same page as her dad. In the long run she will respect your choices though. I personally was raised by a food-strict single mum and whilst I resented her a little when I was young, as I got older I became super appreciative of being raised on whole foods, having those foundations.
I also used to swap out food at daycare parties. At first my daughter didn’t mind, but slowly she resented being different. My kids are now 10 and 14 and I’ve been much more relaxed with my son from the start (only when I’m not in control though) and he self regulates so much better than his older sister. I wonder if it has something to do with the early days? Though he is generally a more relaxed kid and doesn’t push back the way my daughter does, so may also be a personality thing.
Anyhow, thanks for your input, have a great weekend. Georgia x
Lindsey says
This is a great article. Even at 62 I still make bad food choices at parties. We had our grandson’s 3rd birthday party last weekend and I took one cheese flavoured corn chip and then that was it. Yes, you guessed it I couldn’t stop. I don’t eat flavoured corn chips any more and I felt the results of my little pigout for a couple of days after. It’s so hard these days. I was bought up with the motto everything in moderation. The supermarket shelves a load with rubbish food and people are time poor as well so take the easy approach. Children have so many pressures these days and don’t want to be labelled as different with regard to food. I think the approach of let them work it out for themselves as to how they feel after eating a lot of junk food is a great way to handle it. Don’t be too hard on yourself, my kids favourite end of school party food was jellied oranges that I used to make with Lillypilly Aeroplane Jelly!! Just keep trying !!
Georgia Harding says
Great contribution Lindsey – the primitive brain kicks in with even adults. Like you said, once you start, these products are specifically designed to keep us wanting them (even when we know better). G x
Penny says
Great article Georiga and in my case eerily timely after just this weekend gone I endured my 5 and 3 year olds stuffing themselves stupid on lollies at a party and all the way home in their goodie bags?. That night my 3 year old vomited up all her healthy dinner that she amazingly ate (your delicious mushroom lasagne actually?lol). Unfortunately the next morning she woke and said “I like lollies”. Sigh! I’ve been contemplating for a while how to promote healthy eating without pushing my children to want the opposite.
Georgia Harding says
Thanks Penny. Just keep reminding her that she vomited last time she pigged out (though some kids, vomiting doesn’t bother them, I’m lucky, my kids are petrified of vomiting). I also allow my kids one lolly from the party bag (once I’m back in control in the car) and then the rest go into a container on the top shelf of the pantry. They are generally forgotten and I throw them out eventually (or some are kept for a ‘treat day’ if they are better choices). G x
Alanna says
Great article. We take a more relaxed approach at parties, too, for exactly those reasons – I don’t want us to sound judgemental about other families’ choices and we have to learn to navigate our way with food in all contexts. We have never let the kids eat the lolly bags right after a party, because they’ve just had a tummy full of food, so they get put away ‘for another day’… this gives me time to sort or throw anything I don’t want them to eat and, honestly, they usually forget about them anyway.
Georgia Harding says
I have exactly the same approach with the party bags too – they fill a container on the top shelf in the pantry and are generally out of sight out of mind. I too filter them out and keep the rest for a treat day!G x
Kristie says
Hi Georgia,
When you say ‘treats’ does this include your sweet recipes ?
For example if I were to implement treat days… would your sweet recipes count as one of those treats ? Or because they are nutritionally dense and I am using rice malt syrup (fructose free) sweetener that they would be suitable to have on non-‘treat’ days?
Georgia Harding says
Hi Kristy
When my kids were little (before school happened) and they knew no better, I really didn’t offer them much in the way of sweet stuff at all. Once they started kindi (at 4 yrs old), they really noticed they were the odd ones out, so I started baking ‘my’ healthy versions of sweet stuff they saw at play dates and in other school lunches. They didn’t know the difference between my 3 veggie brownie and their friends store bought mud cake.
But then as they got older and were exposed to packaged sweets (chocolate etc) so they began to ask for that too. So that’s when I introduced treat days – if they had a party (that was a treat day, they didn’t get anything more on top of). They did still get healthy cakes/ slices in their lunch (but also sometimes savoury snacks), plus of course veggies and a decent main part of the lunch.
Holidays, I am always more lenient, at least I have become so as my kids have grown older. But when I’m in charge, it’s veggie packed and nutrient dense. They still don’t drink soft drinks (both are happy with kombucha still) and my 11 yr old often spruces to his mates how good it is. On the whole, they make good choices most of the time. I’ve laid a good solid foundation, that’s all us mums can do really ☺️